Caitlin and Kikki
by ninja hunter
Summary: just read it :D


It all started when our overrated adventurer, Caitlin, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling scarcely worried, Caitlin hit a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Absolutely thrilled, she realized that her beloved stick was missing! Immediately she called her fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Kikki. Caitlin had known Kikki for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Kikki was unique. She was smart though sometimes a little... pestering. Caitlin called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Kikki picked up to a very angry Caitlin. Kikki calmly assured her that most albino cats belch before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually explosively panic *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Caitlin. Why was Kikki trying to distract Caitlin? Because she had snuck out from Caitlin's with the stick only six days prior. It was a enticing little stick... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Caitlin got back to the subject at hand: her stick. Kikki yawned. Relunctantly, Kikki invited her over, assuring her they'd find the stick. Caitlin grabbed her hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kikki realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the stick and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Caitlin took the hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle, she had take at least four minutes before Caitlin would get there. But if she took the 4WD? Then Kikki would be scarcely screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kikki was interrupted by two abrasive timburr s that were lured by her stick. Kikki sneezed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling worried, she aggressively reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and recklessly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent-the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the 4WD rolling up. It was Caitlin.

-o0o-

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so she knew she was running late. With a careful leap, Caitlin was out of the 4WD and went scandalously jaunting toward Kikki's front door. Meanwhile inside, Kikki was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the stick into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind her time machine. Kikki was exasperated but at least the stick was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Kikki charismatically purred. With a deft push, Caitlin opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying self-righteous ass in a nappy, busted-out hatchback,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Kikki assured her. Caitlin took a seat ridiculously unclose to where Kikki had hidden the stick. Kikki sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Caitlin was distracted. A few unfulfilled decades later, Kikki noticed a oafish look on Caitlin's face. Caitlin slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Kikki felt a stabbing pain in her scalp when Caitlin asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the stick right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Caitlin's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Caitlin nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Kikki could react, Caitlin aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The stick was plainly in view.

Caitlin stared at Kikki for what what must've been seven seconds. Absolutely thrilled, Kikki groped charismatically in Caitlin's direction, clearly desperate. Caitlin grabbed the stick and bolted for the door. It was locked. Kikki let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Caitlin,' she rebuked. Kikki always had been a little selfish, so Caitlin knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Kikki did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at her or something. In a tragically predictable turn of events, she gripped her stick tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Kikki looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Caitlin. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Caitlin. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Kikki walked over to the window and looked down. Caitlin was gone.

-o0o-

Just yonder, Caitlin was struggling to make her way through the haunted thicket behind Kikki's place. Caitlin had severely hurt her scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral timburr s suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the stick. One by one they latched on to Caitlin. Already weakened from her injury, Caitlin yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of timburr s running off with her stick.

About six hours later, Caitlin awoke, her shin throbbing. It was dark and Caitlin did not know where she was. Deep in the muddy imaginery desert, Caitlin was exceedingly lost. A few unfulfilled decades later, she remembered that her stick was taken by the timburr s. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a teensy timburr emerged from the foxy forest. It was the alpha timburr . Caitlin opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the timburr sunk its teeth into Caitlin's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Caitlin's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

Less than five miles away, Kikki was entombed by anguish over the loss of the stick. 'MY PRECIOUS!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened dull pencil. With a inept thrust, she buried it deeply into her fingernail. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Caitlin... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the stick that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant timburr s, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.


End file.
